Around this time last year I was full-swing in the midst of my pastry school experience and I cannot deny that it was one of the best experiences of my life. Seriously. You can read in my previous posts about why I chose to go, and how intensely I am passionate about baking. I love both the science of it and the artistic elements required to make beautiful desserts. I have grown particularly fond of cake decorating, as you may have noticed in my Instagram feed.
Julia Child says, “Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.”
I have to admit, this quote still rings true for me but I view it differently than I did last year.
Last year, I believed very strongly that if you follow your heart and do what you love, the rest will follow. I thought if I just rocked the pastry program (which I did, by the way) and headed out into the pastry world that I would be able to make a career of it, eventually (I was realistic enough to believe it would take a while though). A few things that I did not realize about working in the food industry included needing better transportation, i.e. a car, to get to the early early baking shifts (when public transit is not an option). The places I wanted to work would be impossible for me to get to, so I basically couldn’t (and didn’t) apply. I have managed to live in Vancouver for the past 16 years without a car because transit is actually a pretty good system. But, not if you want to be a baker… I also knew that the wages were not very good (compared to other jobs I’ve had), but it wasn’t about the money, it was about doing what I love, right? I was willing to try and see if I could live off of a pastry cook’s wage. It’s not easy.
Here is a great article about the cost of cooking for love. One of my Chef’s from school recently shared it on social media, The High Cost of Cooking for Love.
There is a bit of a culture in the food industry that chefs are fuelled by passion and don’t need a personal life or to make money (or very little anyway). This lifestyle can be endured and succeeded-in by very few. Food TV popularity and media seems to have increased everyone’s belief that it’s a glamorous industry to work in, and celebrity chefs make lots of money. Just because a food business is in the media, doesn’t mean they are thriving necessarily, profit margins are very tight for food business owners. This heightened awareness of the industry has increased the the number of people who fantasize about quitting their day job and one day opening a cafe or a restaurant one day, becoming a Chef / or Pastry Chef.
I was one of those people, sort of. I dreamed of one day going to pastry school, for years… And I mean years. I just could never afford the time, or the cost of going to school (because going to culinary school is not cheap either) until last year it was possible. I made it happen, without missing a beat. My dream of going to pastry school and one day having my own bakery was now in present time, no longer a one-day vision. But I soon realized some of the realities in my dream, and learned it was more of a fantasy than a realistic dream. Don’t get me wrong, I actually haven’t given up necessarily, but I have quickly come to realize that working full-time in the food industry (as a baker) is not going to happen right now for me. I actually can’t afford to work in the industry and live in Vancouver. It just isn’t possible for me, at this time, nor is it possible for me to open my own business after the expense of going to culinary school (and I will fully admin I still have a bit of student loans left from my first degree).
I am fortunate that I have a strong resume of professional experience to fall back on. I am now exploring how to combine the two, using my background in marketing & communications and somehow be a part of the food industry in other ways (big or small).
Recently, I read a brilliant article by Ryan Holmes (@Invoker), of Hootsuite, When to (Not) Follow Your Heart. He raises many good points, and I particularly liked where he talked about discovering a passion within another passion.
This is where I am at now, I have come to realize that I simply enjoy creating things, and using both technical and artistic skills to do so. I followed one dream, and learned that dreams may be refined based on experience and it’s an evolutionary process (at least for me). I am still very much interested in marketing & communications and over the last year I have learned a lot about running a small business and what entrepreneurs are up against before “overnight-success” dreams can even have a shot at coming true.
Another article I read from MindBodyGreen really spoke to me as well, How My Dream Job was Destroying My Health. This person had a job travelling around to amazing places all the time, but the conditions of the lifestyle were effecting her longterm health poorly. There needs to be a balance.
After working in the industry for just a short while, I started to have some wrist problems and needed physiotherapy to fix it but did not have the benefits to cover the treatment. I am fine now, but working in the food industry was going to require more physical conditioning for me to endure that lifestyle (read: working without much of a social life). After a long day what you really need to do is go get some exercise but I would be totally exhausted and just want to get off of my feet (i.e. nap). I know that most of my experiences were not even really intense compared to others, because I had breaks, and scheduled shifts. It was still an adjustment though, to stand all day too. I tried it, and I did not fall in love with that lifestyle.
Sitting all day in an office isn’t good for anyone either, however, at least with that routine, I was able to make room for a workout in my day that kept me in better shape. I used to run half marathons, regularly, but I basically stopped because I wanted to focus on pastry school, and I haven’t returned to run club since (but I’m working my way back now, a year later, with extra pastry to burn off!!).
After my short experience in the food industry I quickly realized I don’t want to bake on someone else’s terms, I just want to bake for myself (at least for now). I don’t want to have my own full-time business either, where I don’t actually get to do the part I love—bake—because I am consumed by other challenges of running a small business.
I ultimately do not want to lose the joy of baking because of baking too much or from dealing with people who don’t value the price of good food and quality baking (and that is a whole other topic on its own). For these reasons, I’m choosing to not follow
my this dream, and that is totally okay.
This blog has been a place of passion for me for five years now, and I am thrilled that I have kept it going. I am now a member of Food Bloggers of Canada, too. Another proud achievement. I will absolutely continue to bake (don’t worry!) and enjoy the process, trying new recipes and experimenting, for me—and I’ll continue to share those experiences here, with you.
Now, I have begun to dream new dreams, and it is exciting to think of what possibilities lie ahead. I already know what taking a leap of faith requires of me, I’ve now made a few, and I will do it again, I am certain…
6 thoughts on “Why I am not following my dream”
You are a star!!! Once again I am in awe of your courage, 1st to follow your heart, and then oops, let’s revisit that!
Good on ya girl!
Thank you John! It’s all about the journey 🙂
Great article, Jeanette. It took me a while to finally get around to reading it, but better late than never! I like the idea of ‘blending’ dreams or just moving onto new dreams – I think its best to live life in terms of ‘dreams’ rather than ‘a dream’.
Thank you Kaia, I agree! Dreaming onward…!
I sympathize with your desire to bake, but not burnout. I had a friend who starred her own cheesecake café with two friends in Waterloo Ontario many years ago. She kept it open for years and had a loyal following of UofW students. When her husband graduated, she closed the café. She says it was a good experience, but that she will never, ever make another cheesecake.
Interesting…. I can believe that! The business of baking involves a lot of repetition because customers want consistency in product. You have to be cautious with what you are good at doing, it does not always need to be a business. That said, sometimes you have to experience things to make those decisions. Thanks for your comment, and story!